Acclaration

Dear everyone,

It seems to me that my posts about my "middle age crisis", which I always thought was a very stupid thing...until now, are raising some kind of concern among the invisible followers (nice to know that there are some hidden followers :) ).

There is nothing to worry about, I think it is very normal what I feel right now and I think it is good to always question oneself to know "what else can I do today?" "How can I improve this situation?" How can I make it better?". I am very straight forward speaking and I like to say things just as I think they are, this can be a little bit shocking here, not in Spain, perhaps in Spain we are too much straight forward....but Hey! That is the way things work there.

I just want to clarify that I am not bored of life...some of the feelings I listed in one of my posts are just that, a list of feelings.

I talked today with my mom and my dad has pneumonia, is one of the complications of his surgery.

God Bless.

Ramtha and the impossibility to sin

How many times have I watched the movie "What the bleep do we know?" I will say that more than 20.

This movie is more a documentary about Quantum Physics and a movie for entertainment. There is a lot of valid information in that movie about how our mind works, how we create reality....how our experiences shape our world, the world we see.

There is this woman name K. J. Knight, she is a channeler of a man that died about 35.000 years ago ( if that is possible.....)named Ramtha. This man knows a lot about many things. Do I believe that she is channeling someone? Yes I do. I´ve known several mediums in my life, some of them had a wonderful gift...some others started doing good and after some time they lost their focus in God .

The gift of mediumship is dangerous because we can be deceived. Usually there is a mix of good and bad and we need a lot of discernment to really know if something comes from God or not. I believe that this is why the Early Church decided to put aside this gift. It would have been a mess. People proclaiming that have seen Jesus or angels and that He had said this or that....we cannot forget that Lucifer is an angel....and he can present himself as an angel of light.

In the movie, Ramtha says that we cannot sin he says "How can any little carbon unit (the human being) sin against God, that is impossible". So here he says that we are a little carbon unit but at the end of the movie he says " Do I think you are bad? No I don´t think you are bad. Do I think you are good? No I don´t think you are good, I think you are god". So now we are not anymore a little carbon unit, we are god.

The problem with this movie is that they talk about God as the "Mind" and they forget that the Essence of God is Love. We cannot try to explain God from the perspective of Mind leaving the Heart aside....We cannot try to explain God....we have to live in Him.

A scientist says at the end of the movie that he does not know what or who is God but it feels to him that to ask him what or who is god is like asking the fish what is the watter in which it lives. ( I don´t know if I have expressed this correctly). This statement is so true because even if we don´t want to be aware of it we live in God.

To me sin is try to deny God His Kingship in our hearts.... Trying to live without His Love....and living without God´s Love is the death of our souls.

God Bless

Life makeover

it is 10 to 4 AM.

The dogs were sleeping in the barn for the first time since winter came. They were a little bit nervous and barking...too many noises outside....I will have to fix that. I cannot make creation be quiet....but I will look for some kind of white noise for the dogs.

While I was recharging the no barking collar for Coco and trying to calm down the rest of the dogs, it came to my mind again and again the fact that I wanted a "life makeover".....What is this feeling all about? Why is my life so "heavy"? Too many "ugly" memories. We will never be able to erase what we did, what we suffered, Not even God will want to erase it. Jesus appeared to his disciples with His hands and feet perforated....God did not erase His Hurts...and I bet he can do it.

I googled "restart new life"...and I saw something, a church in Chicago that is revitalizing the old churches, old communities. This New Life Community Church is bringing a new meaning to the history of that community....bringing a new value to the efforts of that community that long ago, 100 years or more started to follow Jesus.

People like to be rooted somewhere, they like the flavor of Life...past, present....future....Many times Past gives so much hope for the future.....We are rooted in God....

So I realized I don´t need a "makeover" I need to open my heart and let God bring New Life and New Meaning to each second of my life....past and present......

I think that the middle age crisis is good. I am 42 and I see that I have lived half of my life already. What do I want to make of the other half?...Do I want to do the same I´ve been doing?...Do I want to truly bring New Life to my "bones"? What is more important....What does God Want me to do?

The middle age crisis is, I think, the result of a mix; the realization of a mediocre past and insatisfaction for the wasted time....the Call of our Father is always there and He won´t let us just be...He will poke us making us feel uncomfortable until we choose the right thing....the right God.

If we are aware of God then this crisis will give beautiful fruits, if we are only aware of ourselves then, probably, we will end looking for a very superficial new beginning....changing spouse, looking for a new job...trying to live as if we were 20 again (God please do no ever let me do that!!!!). We will be trapped trying to change the external...and keeping the internal just as it is....

The answer is always inside us. Do I feel trapped? Do I feel bored? Do I feel unhappy? I believe that if I feel all that, or just part of that it is a sign. Perhaps our life is like a wheel that is turning...a cycle of happiness, followed by a cycle of anxiety or boredom...or...or....We need to change the way our life turns....and the only way to do that is if we have a spiritual goal....to be One with God...Perfect as He is. We need a spiritual goal and we need a structured spiritual path to grow.

Being perfect does not mean that we won´t make mistakes...Jesus never said that...He said that we should love our enemy and after that He said " Be Perfect"...So I believe that perfection is maturity of the Heart, which means that we will be able to give Love, the Right Love to each person we meet.

OK, then....I will try to be thankful for my past, all my past. I will have a Thanksgiving Heart for each day of my life......I will try to be humble and understand that those that were around me didn´t know how to do it different....better.....I will try to embrace their suffering......and bring it to God so it can be changed into Resurrection.....

I don´t need a "life makeover" I need HEART.

God Bless you

Enough is more than enough

Today has been one of "those" days when everything seems to be upside down. But usually, and I say usually because I believe there are exceptions, it is me the one that is upside down and this explains how I see things.

My father had surgery and he is having some kind of complications. I am here in USA and he is there in Spain. Of course he is no alone, my brothers and sisters and my mom are with him. I cannot go yet until I get my new passport and the Spanish law says I have to do it in person...I have to go to Chicago...Bob has been traveling 5 weeks back to back.

I won't tell everything that is going on but I will say that if I live a life of selfishness in a certain degree I will have fruits of selfishness.

The Heavenly law says that God gives 100 every time we give 1 (this is what I was told in the convent) Is it the same for the Selfish god? If I keep one for me will I owe 100 more? So I realized the importance of tithing. When we tithe we enter into the Natural Flow of Blessing, we are inside God's realm.

To tithe is also a way to surrender, to recognize that Everything comes from Him, there is Nothing I have that it was not given to me by Him....I belong to Him...and here my "independent" genes are shouting "revolution!!!!!" I wonder if communism comes from that deep feeling of sick independence...probably it does....I wonder if my communist ancestors are just grinding their teeth while I write this....probably. It does not sound good to the fallen mind the word "surrender"......

To surrender takes a lot of trust......and we have been hurt so much in that area...

To trust takes a lot of faith.....yes...to trust again and again takes faith and courage.....

If I say that I love God, but I don't trust that He is going to take care of me...What kind of Love is that one? Very poor......

Do I want to live upside down? I don't think so....it is uncomfortable......

Changes....crisis....this is good.....very good.....Do I feel happy? Of course no! But I feel very thankful to God because He is always ready to correct me and show me the "Easy" way to His Heart.

Have a wonderful night Father,

Maria.

Examination of Conscience

I offer to you Lord, each moment of the day, the petals fallen in the ground, the luminaries from above....the shadows from below.

My heart woven in Silence.

It is here where I discover your gifts and they take shape in front me.... and I understand the meaning of the time You gave me.... Today...

It is here at night, that the light of the Sun is gestated... for the Dawn needs its darkness to shine....the communion of day and night.

It is here Father where I kneel and ask for forgiveness and where Your Grace Rains, overflowing...and my darkness finds Your Light...and my heart Your abundant Love.....

Time to learn...every moment is time to learn....time to love and to forgive.....In my infinite hunger for You I remain here Father....by Your side, under the Tree of Life.......

Such a Heavenly Breeze....it is You and only You. In Your Heart, Mother... I will fall asleep.

Bendita sea tu pureza

Y eternamente lo sea

Pues todo un Dios se recrea

en tan Graciosa Belleza

a tí Celestial Princesa

Virgen Sagrada Maria

Yo te ofrezco en este día

Alma vida y corazón

Mirame con compasión

No me dejes Madre Mia.

Blessed be your purity,
May it be blessed forever,
For no less than God takes delight,
In such exalted beauty.
To you, heavenly Princess,
Holy Virgin Mary,
I offer on this day

My whole heart, life and soul.
Look upon me with compassion,
Do not leave me, my Mother.

Amen.

The Heart of Wisdom

Some months ago I was thinking about the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

I think that knowledge is something we find in books an it is in our mind, but wisdom is the unity between knowledge and Heart...knowledge and Compassion so that the "secrets" of a situation can be open to us not because of curiosity or judgement but because of Love.

When we see and understand a situation through the eyes and heart of "the other" and God then we are in the realm of wisdom but when we look at a situation just through our own analytical mind we are not able to see more than what is humanly possible to see.

I think that to receive wisdom we have to walk the path of Heart, the path of vulnerability....Wisdom is Simple.

When I was in the convent I used to sing this very often;

The Book of Wisdom
Chapter 9

1

God of my fathers, LORD of mercy. you who have made all things by your word

2

And in your wisdom have established man to rule the creatures produced by you,

3

To govern the world in holiness and justice, and to render judgment in integrity of heart:

4

Give me Wisdom, the attendant at your throne, and reject me not from among your children;

5

For I am your servant, the son of your handmaid, a man weak and short-lived and lacking in comprehension of judgment and of laws.

6

Indeed, though one be perfect among the sons of men, if Wisdom, who comes from you, be not with him, he shall be held in no esteem.

7

You have chosen me king over your people and magistrate for your sons and daughters.

8

You have bid me build a temple on your holy mountain and an altar in the city that is your dwelling place, a copy of the holy tabernacle which you had established from of old.

9

Now with you is Wisdom, who knows your works and was present when you made the world; Who understands what is pleasing in your eyes and what is conformable with your commands.

10

Send her forth from your holy heavens and from your glorious throne dispatch her That she may be with me and work with me, that I may know what is your pleasure.

11

For she knows and understands all things, and will guide me discreetly in my affairs and safeguard me by her glory;

12

Thus my deeds will be acceptable, and I shall judge your people justly and be worthy of my father's throne.

____________________________

May God give us Wisdom to live a life of Compassion.

Unfaithfully yours....

This Ash Wednesday was a little bit different than others, or perhaps is just that I don´t remember the others.

I was there in Church with Phil and Diane and many other beautiful people. Somehow Mary took me inside myself, I think She tricked me. First with Her beautiful Love She got all my attention and then....She took me there, inside myself, to those places where I don´t go very often because I feel like saying "Again????"

You see, I don´t kill, I don´t drink, I don´t smoke....I don´t look at pornography....I don´t....but She showed to me what I do. Those little things that I do and separate me from God....from Heaven...Those little tiny things that do not allow me to grow, to mature. Those little things are in reality BIG things because in some degree are bigger than my Love for God.

You will think that those "addictions" do not hurt anyone, but it is not true. First of all it hurts me because it does not matter the size of the attachment, big or small, if my will is not stronger than them I am giving my freedom away, which is God's Gift, to those little "gods" (or should I say "dogs")

The addiction is not the root of the problem, the problem is the emptiness that is hiding behind our addictions to perfection, to alcohol, to food, to cigarettes, to buy stuff that we don't need....to have the latest gadget in the market...to emotional flirting (this is a big one nowadays).....to working out.....to play games in the computer (beeeeep....sounds the alarm, here is one of mine).....to_______________ this is for you to fill the blank.

It hurts my husband because he cannot be present in those "little places" of my heart, they are already occupied.

The reality is that there is no possibility to live a live in compartments; "this is my professional life" "here is my family life" "here is the room for my private addictions" "here my hobbies"....all those "compartments" are connected and if there is darkness in one of them, then there is some degree of darkness in all of them.

We are created for Unity and we are UNITY, two cannot become ONE if there is just one and 1/2 or two 1/2 persons in the covenant. We still think that we can hide under the mask of "individuality" but the truth is that what you do affects me and what I do affects you.

So I was thinking about Hosea's marriage with a prostitute and how he had to deal with all her unfaithfulness...Hosea must be in the top ten of Heaven because What a life he had!.

I was thinking about Israel unfaithfulness and how God talked with clear images of adultery and sex regarding His relationship with His people. Of course all Israel was not having sexual relationships outside marriage but in their hearts they did. In their hearts they had those little or big gods that kept the ONLY GOD knocking outside the door.

God loves us so much that in His Love He will correct us.

When I was young-er, I used to be very, very, active. I loved parties, dance, smoke.... I was also workaholic ...I loved to be always on the go. God had been knocking for a loooong time and He knew that I was not going to answer if He was just pulling my hear.

God took my attention by taking my hip away and living me with chronic pain. I was a mad woman, frustrated and I said so many things to God in my anger!

It took me years to start to accept my situation, my daily pain, my limitations but while I was limited in the physical reality, I became more free in the spiritual reality. I started to look for Him, I realized that I truly needed Him to go through the day with hope, with peace. He took my hip, but He gave me a Heart that I didn't have before. I still struggle, really, sometimes I rebel...but thanks God it is not as long and as deep as before....perhaps it is because I am older now and I know that rebellion won't take me too far.

God gave me what I truly wanted a life with flavor a life with Him.

We are not done yet, as you can see. I am working on it and I know that He won't stop giving me light in all those things that I need to Surrender to Him, but, if we are truly honest...there is nothing better that we can do. He is the source of our Life, Happiness, Peace and He just wants to Restore us to be like His Son, to be Truly Happy.

I believe it is very important to check every day what we keep in our hearts, who is there and WHO is not there...If we keep track of what is going on in our hearts then we will improve, we will grow and we will be free.

God Bless you.....

Note: after reading my post and thinking for a while I would like to say something.

1. If I had to choose between having my health back and all I've learned about God, myself and others I would never choose my health. Health is something temporal, the knowledge of God and others lasts forever.

2. Yes, I believe that God, Who loves us SO MUCH can correct us in a "hard" way, when the "softer" ways don't work. Believe me, He tried many, many times in a soft way.....and I just was as hard as a rock. Jesus said that if our hand makes us sin we should cut it off...This is how vehemently we should long for Heaven.....Do we? Do I?

3. God loves hips....look at Jacob :)